Faking it is easy.
Best Fake Fiance, an all-new sexy and hilarious single dad romance from Roxie Noir, is available now!
My life has room for exactly two women: my daughter Rusty and my best friend Charlotte â€” known to everyone as Charlie.
One is a feisty, tomboyish firecracker. The other is my seven-year-old. I canâ€™t imagine life without either.
So when my ex springs a custody hearing on me, I find myself telling the judge that Iâ€™m engaged to Charlie.
The only problem? Iâ€™m not.
Time to fake an engagement.
Pretending weâ€™re a couple will be no big deal.
Weâ€™ve been friends for years. We used to sneak cigarettes behind the bleachers. We turned cans of hairspray into flamethrowers. We got drunk on stolen malt liquor.
Sheâ€™s beautiful, vivacious, spontaneous, and she loves my daughter to death. Itâ€™s the perfect answer: we fake it for a few months, then go back to our lives.
Until we touch, and sparks fly. Until I canâ€™t take my eyes off her. Until I canâ€™t stop thinking about what sheâ€™s got on under her coveralls.
It takes one kiss.
One shared secret and suddenly, Iâ€™m not pretending anymore. I want her, I need her in ways I didnâ€™t know I could.
But thereâ€™s a lifetime of friendship between us, and falling in love with Charlie could risk everything.
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Excerpt:â€œThis is an intervention,â€ Eli says. â€œFor what?â€ I ask. â€œFor kissing,â€ Seth says, taking his place next to Eli, mimicking his stance. â€œYâ€™all are terrible kissers.â€ Several thoughts all trip through my brain at once. Heat flushes my face. I take a step back. â€œNeither of us is kissing you, Seth,â€ Daniel says, also crossing his arms over his chest. â€œDonâ€™t speak for the lady,â€ Seth says, suddenly grinning. Next to me, I can feel Danielâ€™s whole body go rigid. â€œThe ladyâ€™s not kissing you either,â€ I say before Daniel can say anything. â€œNo one is here to kiss Seth,â€ Eli says, shooting him a look. â€œWeâ€™re here to help you kiss each other, because Iâ€™ve seen puppets kiss more convincingly than you two.â€ A quick flutter of anxiety moves through my chest, waving through me like wind through a wheat field. â€œWhat puppets have you been watching?â€ I ask, after a second. â€œYou can find some real weird stuff on the internet,â€ Daniel offers. â€œSpoken like an expert,â€ says Eli. â€œHeâ€™s not the one who brought up puppet porn,â€ I say. â€œApparently, youâ€™ve been watchingâ€”â€ â€œEveryone quit talking about your perversions and focus,â€ Seth says, raising his voice. â€œNo one is kissing anyone, except that youâ€”â€ he points at Daniel, â€œare kissing herâ€”â€ he points at me, â€œbecause you need people to think youâ€™re actually engaged.â€ The flutters are only getting faster, stronger, a gale force wind through the wheat fields because I really do want to kiss Daniel and I really donâ€™t want to do it in front of his brothers, presumably while they shout helpful make out tips at us. â€œTheyâ€™re Eliâ€™s perversions,â€ I say. â€œIâ€™ve never even seenâ€”â€ â€œNo one is leaving this room until you stop talking about puppets fucking and start kissing,â€ Eli says, firmly planted in front of the door. Daniel just sighs. â€œIs this because of yesterday?â€ he asks. Despite being trapped in an attic and being told to kiss me or else, heâ€™s somehow the calmest person here right now because of course he is. Danielâ€™s always the calmest person around. â€œYes,â€ Seth says. â€œObviously,â€ Eli confirms at the same time. â€œIâ€™d be the worldâ€™s shittiest brother if I saw that travesty and didnâ€™t do something about it,â€ Seth goes on. â€œYou,â€ he nods at Daniel, â€œhave somehow gotten yourself into a ridiculous situation where you need to convincingly make out with her,â€ he nods at me, â€œto keep custody of your daughter, and you,â€ he nods at me again, â€œhave inexplicably agreed to this farce. I agreed to do your taxes, by the way.â€ â€œThanks,â€ I say. â€œAnd by God, Daniel, Iâ€™m not letting Rusty move to Colorado with the progeny of a demon and a swamp beast, so you better shut up and kiss Charlie.â€ â€œNo one kisses normally in front of cameras,â€ Daniel says. â€œLook, we kiss just fine. Yesterday there was a photographer saying something, practically everyone we knew was thereâ€”” â€œIs it just me, Seth, or do those sound like reasons to practice?â€ Eli says, turning to his brother. â€œCall me crazy, but maybe they should get better at kissing in public instead of just hoping it never happens again.â€ â€œI do believe youâ€™re correct, Eli,â€ Seth says. The two of them are talking like theyâ€™re in an infomercial, and it might be the most irritating thing Iâ€™ve ever heard. â€œAnd since theyâ€™re not leaving this room until you and I are satisfied, they may as well getâ€”â€ â€œFine,â€ Daniel finally says, then unfurls his arms and looks over at me. â€œSorry,â€ he says, his voice softer, gentler. â€œThey do kind of have a point,â€ I say, even as my insides twist. â€œYesterday wasnâ€™t great.â€ Finally, Daniel half-smiles, and he smiles at me, not his dumbass brothers, runs one hand through his hair in his nervous-and-trying-not-to-show-it gesture. â€œIt was pretty bad,â€ he admits. â€œYou jammed your nose into my eye,â€ I say, laughing. â€œYou bit my chin,â€ he teases. â€œYouâ€”â€ Eli clears his throat obnoxiously. â€œCome on,â€ Seth says, spinning a finger in the air in the universal can we get a move on gesture. I take a deep breath, turn to Daniel, quiet the flutters, and look up into his sky-blue eyes for a split second. Then we kiss.
About RoxieI love writing sexy, alpha men and the headstrong women they fall for. My weaknesses include: beards, whiskey, nice abs with treasure trails, sarcasm, cats, prowess in the kitchen, prowess in the bedroom, forearm tattoos, and gummi bears. I live in California with my very own sexy, bearded, whiskey-loving husband and two hell-raising cats.
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